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Melissa's Journal
It's been a long time since I wrote an update. There sure are a lot of things going on right now. I just finished my class about five minutes ago. I am taking Information Systems at AIU online, I am officially a student. So that only took 7 years to get back to, but yay. We've been really busy with the kids. Saph finished her first year of headstart. It was really great. She learned a lot, I think, and she really enjoyed it. I think we will send her back next year to get ready for kindergarten. She has a little boyfriend, too. A little ladies man, he is, and all the girls are sweet on him. They all take turns being his girlfriend. Analiese is getting big, She is so active and is always getting into or climbing on something. She broke her arm playing on the trampoline and now uses her cast to hook on to things to help her climb. I made a bunch of 'mommy' friends from Help Me Grow and playgroup and it has just been so busy. There are only 5 days on the calender this month that don't have appointments wrote on them.
I really am excited to be going to school. So far I am doing really well. It is hard to fit it all in, reading 2 or 3 chapters, doing 2 hour long classes, researching and then writing 2 assignments all in one week. It's good though, and I'm getting good grades and I feel good about myself.
Now the girls are in here, they want me to come out and play. Hopefully, I can come back and write later. I have to whine about this laptop I bought on ebay.
I bought a gingerbread house kit this week. I have been putting it off because it seemed such a monumental task to make one from scratch. It was fun to do. It took about an hour to complete. I think it looks pretty fantastic. Then there was the issue of the kids not leaving it alone.
A quick question, do you really leave it out for two weeks, and is it still good to eat at Christmas?? It doesn't seem to me like a good combination, who wants to eat stale and probably dusty gingerbread? Anywho.
I had an amazing idea. I decided to introduce my daughter to the story of Hansel and Gretel. Ok, a pretty watered down version that basically said that it's better not to nibble on the gingerbread house because the witch will catch you and lock you up. Then our addition to the story was that on Christmas eve we will cast a spell and make the witch disappear and then we can eat her house and share it with everyone.
With little trauma or question, the whole story went swimmingly and the houses safety was insured. Until she forgot about the witch, snuck up to the top of the freezer and gobbled up the spearmint leaf tree. What I should have told her was that she gets a pass because it wasn't actually the house but better not take the chance again. Although that may have insured a second tasting just to be sure she couldn't get away with a little more. (Like the other tree, for example.) Hindsight is 20/20 I've heard and now I think I regret telling her the story at all.
What I actually said was "Oh! You ate the tree! Do you want the witch to capture you?!?!" Tears. Totally traumatized her. I spend most of the next hour explaining that grandma talked to the witch and she was going to forgive and forget the tree incident and that she better not come back and nibble again. Unfortunately, my daughter was not so easily assured that the witch wasn't going to get her.
Ok, I was probably going about the whole thing wrong. I can admit that. However, it has brought to light something that is better realized sooner than later.
Both Shawn and Sapphire have these faces of exaggerated sadness that they use frequently. It is so hard for me to feel sympathy or empathy for them when they use this face because it seems so exaggerated that it begs the result. If there is anything I've learned from my dysfunctional family is that you can't give into people who use those tactics to gain your sympathy because you're only going to encourage the manipulations. It's pretty automatic to ignore someones exaggerated emotions, for me. Except, tonight I think I've learned that my perception may be tainted by people who used those tactics with me before. There is no reason for an exaggerated pouty face when there are real tears. After a few minutes (and too many words) I realized that my daughter was genuinely afraid of my gingerbread house and unsure of my ability to keep her safe.
Ugh! Being a parent is so much work and forethought. I used to be so proud of how I handled the girls, always on top of the situation and a reason for doing even the smallest thing, and an expected result that matched the reality of the situation. The older my daughter gets the more out of touch and off point I feel. It's usually pretty minor, tonight being one of those times that don't fall into that category, but it feels like 'The beginning" of the haphazard stabs in the dark I never wanted to do.
Yesterday was the due date for Sapphire's first home project. The assignment was to make a costume for the parade. The idea was to use things from around the house or things you already have to avoid costing anything. It took almost the whole two weeks for her to pick something. Well, that's not exactly the truth, she picked a new costume about every hour. Finally, I picked something from Family Fun magazine and she agreed so we got to work on it. I had to buy poster board, but the alternative was for me to make it all by myself sewing princess or pirate outfits. So this is the finished product, the work was pretty evenly split between us. My prefectionist self had to back away a few times and let her work. I'm pretty proud of how it turned out, and she was too. After I dropped it off and then she went and came from school, she got really upset because her costume stayed there. She didn't want her teacher to keep it.
Saph fell asleep in the car on the way home from the bank so I put Analiese down for a nap too. She doesn't take 2 naps and already had one, and Saph never takes a nap anymore.
Yay. And what am I doing with this stolen time? Dumping it into the black hole that is the internet.
Oct. 4 was Sapphires first day of school. It was a great big huge deal to me, not so much for her. She was over the idea of school since it took so long to start. We started talking about it in July and here it is October. Anyway, there was a lot of confusion about paperwork not being done even though we had faxed it to them. So everyone (mostly) started on the 2nd but we finally got everything straightened out and she started on Wednesday. We went in early before her class and had a bit of orientation. I thought the school was great, and she isn't in at the school I thought she was going to, she is in the awesome place that is right near us. They have a great play area, her class was really cool and her teacher was really nice. She told us they get extra funding for parent participation in the class and by how much time you mark on the home projects. I like that they not only allow parents to come into the class and observe or participate, they encourage it. The fun part will be trying to figure out how to make that work since I still have little baby Analiese to consider. I would really like to get involved in her education as much as possible so we will see how that works out.
This is her with her daddy, all ready for the big day.
This is her class.
There was something else relatively big going on that I wanted to write about but I can't seem to think about what it was.
Anyway! The third big thing going on right now is Shawns eye problems. He was told he should no longer operate a vehicle, it is not safe for himself, his family or the other drivers. So that itself has been proving to be quite the challenge. He goes into work during Analieses nap and Saphs time to get ready for school. He get's off at 9:30pm so we are trying to figure out a new bed routine since they both would be in bed asleep when it's time for me to go get him. The more concerning part of the whole thing is that his eyes just keep getting worse. He probably shouldn't have been driving for a month now. We saw another specialist today, and they really don't know why his eyes are getting bad. They have the glaucoma pretty much under control and the internal parts of his eye look healthy now since his retina was reattached and the optic nerve shows no problems. He is going in for MRIs tomorrow, brain and orbital, with and without contrast because they want to rule out central nervous system disease or disorders and tumors and MS. They also have a bunch of blood work scheduled. He goes back in to see this guy next week and he is supposed to get out to this other guy to provide him with visual aides. I have no idea what they are or what they will do for him but hopefully something really good, because it's going to be a hell of a trip and I don't want it to be a waste of time. There are so many things going on in the middle of the day and it's hard to make sure Shawn gets to appointments and work on time with the baby in tow, and make sure Saph has everything she needs and gets to school on time and be there when she gets off and several appointments have seemed like a waste of time.
Friday marked the first anniversary of the birth of my baby. She is now one year old. She weighed just over 20 lbs and is 30 inches long at her doctor visit. Yay!
Today is my birthday. I am 24. Not quite "Yay!" Really not so big a deal.
I was planning a big party next Saturday for both of us. I got a ladybug birthday package from birthdayexpress.com and I was planning on making lots of food and inviting lots of people. I told Shawn and my mom that I wanted something special this year since my birthday has been wholly unnoticed since I had children. So they put it all together and had it this Saturday. I was pretty surprised and they had a hell of a time pulling it off since I was planning it a week later and thought I was doing the planning myself. There was a big argument about missing money when I was going to go buy the food because they had already bought it.
The whole thing was great. The day started with us planning on going to a pumpkin festival but the weather was iffy and it was a 45 min drive. I didn't really want to go. Plus we stayed up really late the night before watching Nip/Tuck on DVD and we got up pretty early so we were all tired. So we decided to find something else to do instead. We went to breakfast at IHOP then we were off to the mall. There was supposed to be an event there for kids but it turned out that Shawn was mistaken. Then we went to Wal-Mart to price pictures. I told Shawn we could go home for lunch and then take the kids to Chuck E Cheese because it would be fun for them and cheap for us. He told me we can't do that because my mom is taking me out to lunch at around 2. So we went there first and the kids were getting really cranky so we decided to go home. I was supposed to be surprised about going out with my mom because he wasn't supposed to tell me so I told him that I would tell her we were home because the baby needed a nap. When we got home I thought I'd run in real quick and freshen up. When I opened the door there everyone was! My mom had people come early, my cousin was there before we even left in the morning, to help her get everything ready. She had to make all the food and cakes that morning because I stayed at her house all evening before working on the blankets I'm quilting for the girls. I was really surprised by it all and it was really nice. Most everyone stayed until 8. It was really nice to have everyone come out. My mom and Shawn deserve a big pat on the back for all the work they put in, and all the fuss I made.
I feel like I'm fighting to keep lines of communication open. It's hard work. I keep having things to post but I just keep going to a debate forum and reading away my little bit of online time.
New things going on: My little baby is about to turn 1! Her birthday is the 22 and we are having her party on the 30th lumped together with mine. Although her party will be first in the day, with a theme and decorations and all the jazz. Ok, it's not for her, it's for my pictures!!! hehe.
My daughter starts preshcool on Oct. 2!! I am excited and nervous. She is so over the whole idea of school. I can't blame her though, she thought she was going to start school around the end of June or begining of July when we registered. We finally have a start date and I think in my mind I tried to believe she wasn't actually going to start. I have no idea why we are starting so late and as for orientation or some sort of 'here is what is going to happen on the first day' letter I have no idea what we are supposed to do. I don't know if she's going in morning classes or afternoon. I don't know if the bus is going to come try to pick her up, I would prefer to take her, though. The teachers don't come back from break until next week and we are supposed to get a call or a letter. Hopefully, it will be a call so I can ask questions about the information or lack there of.
I made quilts! Two and a half to be precise, one nice sized one for each girl and a smally lovey for my thumbsucker out of the extra from her blanket. I am going to take some blocks left from my big girls blanket and make her a kerchif for her to take to school. I know it sounds old, but I think it would be good to have a reminder of home if she gets scared being at school. She's never been away from me before for any length of time, and only with family for short periods of time. I think she will be alright, I think I'll be alright too.
Analiese is calling me, hopefully I will make it back here to post more. If not it's because I finally get to sit down with Shawn and watch Sybil. I love that movie.
They resent me the same "Yay, you get to interview!" letter so I guess that means just call back in.
I mean, word for word the letter, with no response... Yay for customer service.
Well, I am applying for a job as a work at home agent for the company Shawn works for. I did a compatability test and application and it was time to do the phone interview. I had to call them, answer a couple of questions and then read 1 of the three paragraphs that they emailed me. So I picked one that was medium in length and had a bit of difficult wording and thought it would be a great choice. I was really nervous, as I always am when it comes to doing something new. I have some anxiety issues when it comes to new people. So I'm super nervous, it's all recorded questions and it feels like, "Why are you qualified...GO!" I felt rushed and then one of my answers was cut off and I got flustered. Then it was time to read the paragraph, (that I printed and spaced so that I would read it slowly and enunciate clearly and all that happy horseshit) and they were like, read number 3. So I panic because I thought I picked it and that wasn't what I picked! So I dash to the computer where the email I was supposed to print (technically I did...) was displayed. I start reading...and guess what? It was the wrong one, it was the one I picked not the one they did, so I had read half of it by the time I realized wtf I did and I just hung up....
Shawn told me to just call right back and do it over. I am more nervous and fustrated now than before and we all know how that worked out for me. I emailed them and explained that I was really nervous and I screwed it up and I would like to try again if that's alright. So hopefully they give me a second chance and I don't screw it up again. I mean this job is not that hard!!!
Bah.
I was really nervous for her. I've been telling her how great it was going to be but in reality I didn't really have any idea how it would turn out. She is very shy when it comes to people she doesn't know. Except for some children she immediately runs away from strangers and hides in my legs. I have been trying to get he excited about her appointment and she really was. I had a hell of a time trying to find the place because I didn't have enough information about where I was going. She was excited all morning, and she kept asking me if we were at the dentist, all 20 or so times I had to turn around.
Finally when we got there I was really excited to have found it and she was really excited too. That is, until we walked into the waiting room. It was a small waiting room and had 5 people in it, so it seemed very crowded. She tried to bolt back out of the place. I had to carry her in the office and fill out paperwork with her on my lap. Some people left and the other people started talking to her. I thought it was going to make it worse but she started to warm up. I tried to get her to relax and we talked more about what the dentist was going to do but she was really intimidated by the whole thing. I was starting to lose hope that he would be able to do what he needed to do by the time they called us back.
They weren't overly friendly but they were nice and my lil girl did fantastic. She had x-rays and did exactly what they asked her to do which included not moving from the awkward position while I left the room. I was so proud of her. She opened wide for the dentist and I was just thrilled. I couldn't contain my excitement at the office and those people probably thought I was a lunatic by the time we left.
I have discovered that my daughter is afraid of people who don't look like us. I don't have any idea how to address it properly. We live in a predominately white area but it's more a suburb just outside of a city that is predominately black. We see many different races of people all the time. Her cousin lives in a low income housing complex which is pretty evenly divided white/black and we are down there frequently. She has played with some black children while she was there but is much more held back. We still struggle with her doctor appointments because he is indian and has a heavy accent. She is getting better somewhat with going along with the appointments and even says she likes him but wont speak to him at all.
Bah, I don't know. Maybe it will come with time. Maybe our behavior will model for her and she will see that people are people regardless of skin tone without a lengthy explanation. I hope, because I really don't know how to explain it more than I do already.
"Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that."
~ Michael Leunig
It's strange. My daughter has been very difficult the past week. I'm sure it has to do with the transition of Shawn being back at work but it has been trying to say the least. We are still fighting with potty training, which reminds me to go back and research some more on how to get that back on track. She has regressed from being 100% including 3-4 nights a week dry to pretty much back to nothing. I know it has to do with the baby. While I was in the hospital she has an accident and that was just the begining. The longer it's been, the more she wants to be like the baby. She has started to answer me as to why but it's always something like, I was trying really fast when she hadn't at all. She also told me that her sissy pees in her pants. She doesn't care about the 'big girl' thing so I really don't know what to do. Her behavior is getting crazy and she just ignores me when I tell her to do things. Hopefully I can get her under control because they are not going to like this at preschool.
This month is going to be rough. I really hope they don't try to pull any funny stuff with the compensation for the diet study I did. There were all these warnings about being disqualified if you didn't jump through all the hurdles, so I have been trying not to be too hopeful about it. I did everything they asked for and it's all documented so it should be fine, but we really need it, so now it's been on my mind. I hope it comes through by the end of this month.
I don't normally post the little quizzes/memes that I find online. I do them out of curiosity and then move on. However, this was too funny.
I swear I didn't make this up.
| How to make a psyli |
| Ingredients: 1 part intelligence 3 parts brilliance 3 parts ego |
| Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Serve with a slice of fitness and a pinch of salt. Yum! |
I am finally starting the scrapbooks for the girls. I have 5 albums of pictures that go up until the baby was born. The rest of the pictures are all on the computer from the two digital cameras. I keep them saved and backed up but it's not something we can just pull out and look at together, like an album. I have been doing pretty well with keeping mementos and keepsakes for them and I am really happy with it all. I picked up two albums and 4 packs of papers. There are so many different choices of accessories that can be used with scrapping that it is a bit intimidating. So I found a small picture album that I am going to use as test project. It is 8 1/4 x 6 3/4, post bound with black construction type paper already in it. The binding was a bit crumbly so I took it off and made a new cover out of manilla folders. It worked pretty well.
Along with that I am going to try to update much more often. My goal is once a day, so I am going to try to get that into a routine so I have it to look back on since my paper journal is so empty. In 6 years it has but a handful of entries and they mostly have to do with the girls being born. I wonder if there is a decent program for viewing backed up LJ entries? A long time ago when I was going to back up and delete my journal, I remember needing something if I wanted easy retrieval.
I still need to figure out why my DVD burner hates me and refuses to burn on anything than the original discs it came with. It's all gobbledegook to me, the error log, and the error message is really too vague for me to start figuring the problem out. While troubleshooting, half the options either don't apply to me or are already fine, and the others...well it's sad to admit, but if I can't figure out which version the software that came with it is.....I really can't say if I already have the "recommended" version or not. I suppose there is always uninstalling and upgrading 'just in case' but that's really annoying. Of course a firmware update is always interesting but it also relies on finding more info than..."uh..it's memorex???" lol. I'm feeling really dumb on this one and I don't want to spend 3 hours researching only to say "Fuck it, I don't need to burn anything now anyway!" like with the recent quest to figure out why I can't visit certain pages when others can, including people on my network. (Fortunately, someone emailed me the update I needed from the page I was trying to get to.)
Computers are a funny thing. If there weren't neat and different things you could do with one, I don't know if I'd have one. Maybe it's just the cheapish ones I can afford but it seems to me they are just unreliable! For buying something in the neighborhood of $500-$1000 I expect that it work right and for a long time, I can't afford to put out that kind of money for it not to.
Wait...I better stop before I get into a rant about quality that covers everything you could want to buy for your home.
Anyway, my point was that I have figured out how to use and repair this lovely thing by myself with what I've found on the Internet. So anyone who has been to school for that type of thing may find it a bit insulting that I am the local "expert" around here. I find it embarrassing.
I was given two computers in Jan. that were pretty old, maybe 3 years dead. By that I mean they were no longer useful to the original owner and have been sitting for 3 years. I was supposed to figure out how to make them 'good' and then they were going to be used on a dial-up connection. (IMO, that's where they belonged although I had no influence on that choice.) I cleaned them up and got them running...I suppose. I know that I was really frustrated working with them, just cleaning them up. I can't imagine trying to use it day to day. So after I cleaned them to the point that you could play solitaire and minesweeper and maybe open notepad if you were feeling crazy, they told me they wanted to have a bunch of games I run, like for instance Black and White. This is the part where I laughed my ass off, and then explained how even my computer drags playing it because I have a generic video card. (Saying words like "video card" and "integrated graphics" makes me an expert. lol)
My mom always asks me to come fix hers and then argues with me about what's wrong with it. So I end up telling her "I don't know" and she fixes it herself.
Hey, that's how I learned.
Busy busy busy. Saph turned 3 on Wednesday, and we had her party yesterday.
I made sloppy joes and black bean burritos, because we were tired of the usual party food. The usual people, Jen/Jason, Kelly/kids, and Mom/Jim were here. It was a pretty good time. A lot of swimming and gamecube by the kids and visiting all around.
She got a bunch of stuff to get her ready for school, a swingset, a big dollhouse and her painting stuff was replenished. We were all exausted by the time we went to bed.
There were all sorts of cake disasters because I decided to make it myself. It was too hot and the icing just kept melting off the cake. Then we tried to work with it out of the freezer which really worked and I had it looking like a work of art. But it was a work of art that couldn't be decorated beyond being iced and one that could never leave the freezer because of how badly it was sweating. I left it out all night to let it get back to room temp. and maybe dry the icing out a bit. Then (it was the morning of the party and I had 20 other things I needed to do) I had to scrape all the icing off the outside and completely re-ice it with doctored up icing. Then I had to try to make the decorations stick...which never really happend. The finished product....
It was still melting. :/ Everyone complimented it, probably because they knew how long I worked on it and felt bad for me. Ha. However, the cake tasted great, it was 4 white cakes and a cheesecake swirl brownie on top. The cones were a success and candy on TOP of a cake made it even better!
And of course, one of the birthday girl...
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Chris. But unlike
Chris, this plan just might work.
Shawn had his surgery this morning. They fixed his retina and everything should be getting better instead of worse. While we were gone, he got a call from West. They want to make sure he knows he can come back, and it's more like a sign to him to make sure he takes advantage of his opportunities. So, now, if only I knew where Jen took my girls, I'd be all set!
I busted my hand.
It's important that when I get into a cleaning 'fit' that I do it all alone. Well, no other adults around, at least, so no one has to listen to me. The house was trashed and it's really humid so when those things happen it's best just to leave me alone. Plus all the other things going on today just were adding to the stress.
My vacuum is being a jerk to me. For what we paid for it, or rather what it cost, since we bought it with points, it should still be running great. It is less than 3 years old for crying out loud. Anyway it's been on it's last leg for a while now and today it's finally dead. Out of anger that it clogs the moment it picks up anything the size of a piece of popcorn I tried to free it by beating the end off my hand. I didn't even realize what had happened until I tried to hold the hose with that hand. I think I busted the large vein that is just below the bottom of my index finger. It is swollen and dark blue. It really hurts.
Sapphire insists on using her bedroom as a bathroom and it is making me want to commit child abuse. (I am really not an angry person, as reading this journal may suggest.) I don't know what to do about the invisible wall blocking her from walking the next 4 steps to the bathroom, but something has got to give or I'm going to lose my mind.
Shawn came back from his eye doctor appointment today and things are really bad. His eyes have not been getting better since the first visit when he got his eye drops. The pressure has been climbing up and up since the first follow up to that. He had to go back this afternoon to see a surgeon who is working near us for the week. I imagine they are going to determine what exactly needs to be done to stall the damage that is being done to his optic nerve. (In case I haven't said, he was diagnosed with glaucoma 4 or 5 months ago and it has been steadily destroying his sight. It is pretty rare for someone of his age and ethnicity to be diagnosed with it and pretty rare for the rate of progression he has been experiencing.) So he will be having surgery sometime between today and Friday. The specialist couldn't say what types of surgery is available to help because the options are always changing. (I'm thinking that is a blow off because he's not doing the surgery and doesn't want to put his foot in his mouth as to what this other guy offers. I can't imagine as a specialist who does more than 100 surgeries a year, you can't give us an idea.) It hasn't really sunk in what this is going to mean for our family. Will he be able to have some sight? Will we still be able to do the things together that we like to do? What will this mean for his job, as he is the sole income for our family. Geez, I don't know. It all seems too much to comprehend. We didn't even really get to talk before he had to go back to his appointment.
There was more crap that happened before he came back but it all seems insignificant, you know?
She likes to wear her favorite lip-lops in the world.
Current mood:
amused.
We had a nice 4th of July.
We took the girls to our city's little fair. I was pretty nervous about it since last year when we took Saph to one they had on the strip. It wasn't the best experience, she got really scared on some of the rides. This was a better time. We walked around and surveyed the area and it seemed really nice. She got really excited and we got her a pass for free rides for 4 hours. Then she got a little reluctant. She would be gung ho until it was time to actually get on the rides, then she clammed up. She saw a ride that had character stickers on it and of course Dora helped her on her first ride. She had a good time, and so did we. Baby Analiese was pretty ticked off about not being able to get on any rides even after some of the operators told us it would be all right, (with dad, of course.)
There was one ride that really had ME afraid. I read too many news stories, I think, and I kept envisioning the horrible scene of my child being killed on a poorly supervised and operated ride. It was a really tall slide that seemed harmless enough until I discovered she had to go by herself. So she got inside her burlap sack and was ready to go. She got to the first hump on the slide and stopped. Even though Shawn was up there with her (out of reach but not out of hearing distance) with someone else, telling her what to do to get moving, I was panicking. I thought for sure that was where she would try to grab the side and fall off, or get crooked and roll sideways or some other horrifying thing. But she just scooted until she got over it and got moving again. When they say having a child is wearing your heart on the outside of your body, they are not fooling around. Anyway, she ended up riding it again, with only slightly less panic from me. I didn't want to ruin her fun being the paranoid mom.
There were tornado warnings all through our county and they were really close so the whole thing shut down at around 9-9:30 and our city's fireworks got canceled, but Saph didn't seem to mind that, and neither did we by the end of it. There were plenty of people setting them off around town.
Here are some pictures of the girls at the 'fun-fair' early in the day.
She won that pretty hair in the ducky game. Every duck is a winner but she didn't know that, she thought she was a duck-picker extraordinaire.
Analiese wishing she could be on the ride with her sissy.
This is the first ride she actually got on (third time on it though) and of all the less intimidating rides, this is what she picked!
I only write in my journal when I'm mad.
lol.
I've been planning an "I hate men" rant for the last 3, almost 4 hours. It was sounding really good because my adrenaline was flowing while I cleaned up nastiness left from Chris and disorganization from Shawn. Every new discovery fueled the fire and it was burning hot. Imagine pulling out the blender and finding about 2 tablespoons of dirty liquid had been left in it for at least a week in temps over 80. Thanks Chris! The smell of flourishing mold has made my day. (Then add the 40 minutes I spent trying to clean it out from under the blades because I can't get the pitcher to unscrew from the blades. Fun!
By the time I got to the desk to clean it up I was starting to chill out and decided to get together the papers I need for head start. I can't find anymore than the first page of our lease. It is really pissing me off because I don't want to ask for ANOTHER copy. (Well, it's pretty hot in the house today, I am getting pissed off pretty easily.)
While I'm working on that stuff, Shawn calls me to tell me he doesn't want to go to his counseling appointment. I've been really looking forward to going to this appt.. because there have been a lot of things going on that we need to talk about. He doesn't want to go because Jim's help quit. Jim was complaining this morning about having help. Both Shawn and another guy works at Jims shop with him, and he is worried he wont have enough help to get the cars done that he "may" need done. I can understand wanting help but Shawn already said he had appointments today that he has to go to and Jim was cool with it until this morning. The guy that was working wanted all this specific times off and Jim was getting mad about it. So when the guy quit Shawn feels obligated to help out. The thing that is pissing me off is that we are having all these problems financially and trying to deal with it, and all I keep hearing is everyone worrying about what Jim might think. For example there has been mention 3 times that my mom can't give us cigarettes because Jim will bitch. Well he wasn't bitching when you were handing them hand over fist to my sister who didn't give you shit or help you out with anything, but bitch about us who you come to whenever you need whatever and get it with no question of even trade or whatever. It just pisses me off that we are good enough to get what you need from us whenever you need it but you can only help out a little tiny bit or we all have to worry about Jim. Who gives a shit what he thinks? I don't care if he is going to throw a fit, and I'm tired of 'doing it for my mom's sake.' If she CHOOSES to be with him and deal with his shit then there is no need to feel sorry for her. You can't choose a shitty situation and then whine that you're being treated shitty. It doesn't work that way. I don't understand why everyone walks on eggshells around him. So what if he is mad. Say it with me everyone, SO WHAT IF HE IS MAD. He can get the fuck over it like the rest of us who don't get what we want at the snap of our fingers.
Ugh.